THE FIVE FIXATION = INTERIORIZED FEAR POINT
BERNARD McCALL
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[With broad Scottish accent] "Hellooo. Bernard McCall here. It's a grand pleasure to meet you, indeed it is. Sorry about the accent; I can't seem to shake it.
"Now me' friend, Angel Stevie, would like me to talk about the Five fixation. I was very interested in findin' out everythin' there is to know about the Enneagram when I first heard about it; it really is quite good. It doesn't quite explain the whole mystery—I mean it's not the 'The Unified Field Theory,' or the 'Theory of Everything'—but knowin' it certainly makes me much clearer about how I'm creating me' own sufferin'. "You're quite lucky to have me out on a Thursday evenin', you know. In fact, I can't remember the last time I was out after 6pm. I do like being in me' own home, I must say. People seem to like to come and visit me; I think they assume I'm lonely, or somethin', not having many friends. But that's just how I like it. Quiet, simple; different strokes for different folks, don't you agree? "I've always been a loner, ever since I was a kid. I'd hide in me' bedroom closet just to be on me' own. Later I'd go hikin' on the Moors by me'self. That way I could do some good solid thinkin' without being interrupted. Havin' other people around just distracts me from me' thinkin' . . . which I just love to do. In fact, I do it all the time. I'm sure I even think in me' sleep. "How did I start me' bookstore? Oh, you know about that, do you? Who told you? Was it William? Most likely. Nice lad, but he's got a mouth on him. Wherever I am, books just start pilin' up all around me; I read all the time. One day me' son, Adam, he says to me [with broad American accent]: 'Dad, why don't you open a second-hand bookstore so we can get rid of some of these piles of books? Make some space.' "It took a while for it to get up and runnin'. In fact, Adam and Mrs Chu did most of the work. I just sat in me' office readin' while they created the bookstore around me. Funny to look out there now, into what used to be the living room, and see strangers browsin' through me' books. I wasn't happy about it at first; I needed to take some deep breaths, hug me'self, and rock me' body back forth for a bit, so as not to get too angry when people took me' books away. It wasn't pleasant at all in the start; I'm much better about it now, though. Mrs Chu's taught me some visualisations and special breathin' techniques to do if I get too irritated about it all . . . " |
"Where did I leave that book I need right now?"
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"THE MYSTIC PHILOSOPHER"
"Now, when I stop followin' the ever-present urge to accumulate more knowledge; when I don't indulge the need to be isolated and withdrawn from the outside world; when I allow the world to be as it is, dangerous at times; and when I feel and acknowledge the fear that's drivin' the whole show, then a new energy arises in me, and I'm naturally drawn to go out and interact with the world . . . and it feels quite OK to do so.
"When I no longer spend me' entire life doing everythin' I can to keep me'self safe, then there's so much more energy to put into other activities; me' life has become so much more full and rewardin'.
"Really, the most important thing is to have a proper relationship with me' mind . . . instead of just believin' that I am me' mind. This mind of mine is so inquisitive; it's never satisfied. These days I might indulge it at times, and I certainly still use it for tasks when needed, but I no longer consider thinkin' the be-all-and-end-all. Actually, I'm findin' that not thinkin' is much more fulfillin'.
"When I stay centred and present, with a quiet mind and an open heart, I discover a deep sense of peace pervadin' me' experience. As I stay with that sense of peace, I realise that I am the peaceful conscious presence that is aware of the peace . . . and I always was. A deeply healing and nourishing discovery."
"When I no longer spend me' entire life doing everythin' I can to keep me'self safe, then there's so much more energy to put into other activities; me' life has become so much more full and rewardin'.
"Really, the most important thing is to have a proper relationship with me' mind . . . instead of just believin' that I am me' mind. This mind of mine is so inquisitive; it's never satisfied. These days I might indulge it at times, and I certainly still use it for tasks when needed, but I no longer consider thinkin' the be-all-and-end-all. Actually, I'm findin' that not thinkin' is much more fulfillin'.
"When I stay centred and present, with a quiet mind and an open heart, I discover a deep sense of peace pervadin' me' experience. As I stay with that sense of peace, I realise that I am the peaceful conscious presence that is aware of the peace . . . and I always was. A deeply healing and nourishing discovery."
FAMOUS FIVES:
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