SOMETHING GREATER
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In 2003, by an unexplainable mystery of grace, I became aware of the existence of something greater than the physical universe that my rational mind had, until that moment, taken to be the whole of reality.
In retrospect, this greater reality—that some call God, but which I prefer to call Spirit, or Being, or Consciousness—had made itself known to me a number of times before. In these previous experiences, however, I was apparently not ready to turn my full attention towards it, and give my life to its ever-deepening discovery. |
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SPIRITUAL TEACHERS
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With this revelation, a 180-degree turn in the direction of my life started to take place; it continues today. On this so-called spiritual journey I've had the great good fortune to come in contact with, and be supported by, a number of wonderful spiritual teachers, some living, some no longer in physical form. I would like to mention them here both as an acknowledgement of the gifts I've received from them, but also as recommendations to readers who may be looking for guidance in this aspect of their lives.
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With Gangaji (and Papaji) in Lucknow, India, 2013.
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THE ENNEAGRAMI am extremely grateful to have learned about the Enneagram from one of my core spiritual teachers, Eli Jaxon-Bear. He refers to it as a wisdom mirror. It took me some time to understand what he meant by this term.
The Enneagram points out that there are only a handful of different ways that human beings use to respond to the world. A handful of different flavours of ego, if you like—the nine egoic fixations described by the Enneagram. Once my pattern was shown to me it was like a mirror was being held up in front of me wherever I went. By paying close attention to how I reacted to people and situations, I became increasingly able to see my particular egoic flavour in action. It was then possible for me to see how this impersonal, inherited, behaviour pattern was causing me to suffer, and I was able to begin freeing myself from the madness. This allowed the possibility of rediscovering my essential identity, my true identity, as Immortal Being; that which is the source of the mind, and ultimately the source and inner nature of everything. Knowledge of the Enneagram has transformed my life in indescribable ways, and I have seen it transform the lives of many others for the better also. I have used the principles of the Enneagram extensively in developing the characters for my musical, Beyond the Mirror. |
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Check out the beautiful Epiphany interview that Hillary Larson ("Conversations With Gangaji") and I did together in early 2018. Wonderfully produced Hill, thank you:
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TATTOOS
Between 2000-2017 I acquired four tattoos that give a punctuated, pictorial history of the stages of my spiritual journey. A special thank you to the talented tattoo artist, Josh Roelink:
1. AWAKENED HEARTThe winged heart is the sufi symbol of Divine Love. It points to awakening on the level of the emotions: the awakened heart. For me it also represents the immanent or embodied godhead, and the divine feminine.
This tattoo, which is on my right shoulder, I acquired in stages. I had the heart and its surrounds done in 20001, when I was starting to become aware of the existential emptiness that was pervading my daily experience, and I was starting to question what the point of life was. The wings were added after my first profound spiritual awakening experience that occurred in 2003 (see Mount Warning). |
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2. AWAKENED MINDThis symbol is an image by the wonderful transcendental artist, Alex Grey. It represents Cosmic Consciousness: the awakened mind. For me it also represents the transcendent godhead, and the divine masculine.
This tattoo, which is on my left shoulder, I acquired in 2007 after a near-death experience in a house fire dramatically altered my view of the nature of Reality (see FIRE!!!). Here, in a moment of sheer panic, my mind stopped. This allowed a momentary, but very deep, glimpse of the Eternal, along with the realisation of myself as not separate from this vast, empty, overflowing spacoiousness: Consciousness itself. |
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3. AWAKENED BODYThe Shri Yantra is a tantric symbol that points to the transcendence of duality and the marriage of opposites. For me it also represents the awakened and divinized physical body. This sacred symbol points to the fact that matter and spirit, immanence and transcendence, form and emptiness, Shakti and Shiva, are inseparably, inextricably, intertwined: they are One. For me it also represents the return of spirit into matter, or the phase of the spiritual journey sometimes referred to as embodiment.
This tattoo, which is over my solar plexus, I acquired six weeks after major surgery for recurrent anal cancer in 2014 (see Cancer). |
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4. DIAMOND HEARTThis winged diamond vajra is another image from Alex Grey. For me it symbolizes the heart in its non-dual aspect—the diamond heart—and represents the qualities of compassion, kindness, gratitude, and unconditional love.
This tattoo lies just above my physical heart, and was acquired in November 2015, shortly after my mind finally let go of its need to be in control, and the core of the egoic identity was fully consciously relinquished for the first time: a moment I describe as ego death, and the end of the story of me. |
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