THE FOUR FIXATION = INTERIORIZED IMAGE POINT
EVE ABERCROMBIE
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"Hello. My name's Eve Abercrombie. Yes, Ken and Faye's daughter. It's a pleasure to meet you. No, really, it is!!
"I know what you're all thinking. You've met me before. That's it, isn't it? People say that to me all the time. Well, I'm here to tell you that you have never met me, or anyone even remotely like me, before. Ever!! I am most definitely one of a kind, so just drop it. OK? [Long silent pause, with sullen look of disdain.] "I should let you know that I'm not in a very good mood tonight so excuse me if I just sit here and let you silently take me in. Actually, that's a good analogy for the Four fixation: I'm like a good wine. You should take just a small sniff of me first, then swirl a tiny sip of me around in your mouth for that first taste, then take in only a little mouthful so as to savour the experience; you don't want to chug me down all at once or you'll miss the complexities of my deeper nature. "I can see you smirking, oh yes I can. Sometimes I even believe that stuff myself. Mostly, though, I just feel inadequate, not good enough. That's pretty much it. It takes a lot to get me out in public at the moment. I can stay in my room with the door closed for days when I'm in one of my funks; getting out of one of those can be pretty challenging. Everything mum and dad say to me really doesn't help. They tell me how beautiful and talented I am, but they'd say that even if was ugly and talentless . . . which I am. They tell me they love me so much, but I don't deserve to be loved because I am a truly horrible human being. No really, I am. "This feeling of being different from everyone—not just different, but flawed, damaged—is at the root of most of my pain, and I do pretty much everything I can to avoid feeling it. Yet somehow—I really don't quite know why—I like feeling that way. In fact, if I'm honest, I think I've sabotaged my life on any number of occasions just to prove to myself that I'm that hideous unlovable person. Then the pain is there again . . . and it feels kind of pleasurable, almost comforting actually. That's pretty weird, isn't it? "I try to keep myself distracted from my dark thoughts or else I might never leave my room ever again. I do feel good for a while when I go out shopping, and buy myself the perfect pair of shoes to go with the gorgeous dress I bought yesterday. But I usually find as soon as I get home and put the shoes on that they don't seem to be right, and I want to go out and buy another pair, or a nicer dress, so I'll look pretty and people will notice me. Is it strange to desperately want people to see me, but at the same time to desperately want them not to see me? . . ." |
"My life is so tragic. I should just kill myself right now."
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"THE ARTIST"
"Now, when I don't believe the thoughts in my head that say I'm a horrible person; when I don't wallow in self-pity; when I don't make a drama out of every little thing; when I let people see me and treat me like a normal human being instead of someone special; when I feel the emotional pain and shame inside me without dramatising or repressing it; and when I don't constantly try to fill the black hole I feel inside me with things and experiences, then I feel joyful and fulfilled. It's so surprising.
"I thought I had to always be making myself better, prettier, more talented, to have people see me and love me, but in fact it's the opposite. When I'm just myself, without trying, I don't need anything to feel whole and complete; it feels quite wonderful, actually.
"When I'm centred and present, with a quiet mind and an open heart, there's this movement to go out and connect with the world that's totally new. I find myself seeing the beauty in everyone and everything around me, whereas before I was always trying to find the beauty in myself, which I felt was needed before I could be loveable and achieve anything useful or worthwhile."
"I thought I had to always be making myself better, prettier, more talented, to have people see me and love me, but in fact it's the opposite. When I'm just myself, without trying, I don't need anything to feel whole and complete; it feels quite wonderful, actually.
"When I'm centred and present, with a quiet mind and an open heart, there's this movement to go out and connect with the world that's totally new. I find myself seeing the beauty in everyone and everything around me, whereas before I was always trying to find the beauty in myself, which I felt was needed before I could be loveable and achieve anything useful or worthwhile."
FAMOUS FOURS:
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